Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Lions and Tigers and Hunchbacks, Oh My!

The dating website.....groan!

The photos on the site were very small, so sometimes the men looked quite attractive on a small scale. That is, until you enlarged their photo and were faced with what resembled The Hunchback of Notre Dame. There were so many men with photos that were too far away to be able to see their faces. Did they have three eyes? Was that a cleft lip or just a moustache in the photo?
And then there are the men who like to show off their chests and arms. There seemed to be an endless assortment of men with photos of themselves standing shirtless in front of mirrors with their digital cameras in hand. Was this what women want these days?? Or is this what men think women want? It all seemed so prehistoric caveman to me. “Unga Bunga - me show you puffed chest and drag you back to cave by hair”.

Then there were the men with sunglasses on in every photo. Are they somehow permanently attached like in Star Trek and need to be surgically removed? I don’t know about you, but eyes are a big part of the face and I need to see them. Are they kind eyes or are they crossed eyes? The eyes are the windows to the soul and if I cannot see them, there may as well be no photo.

There were very skinny men on the site as well as men with a few extra pounds. I myself am not attracted to any man skinnier than I. I do not want to feel like I am squishing or breaking their bones when I hug them good bye. I have dated very slim and skinny men and I'd rather date someone who has some meat on their bones. 
Bigger guys can be great as long as they have a neck and only one chin. I have a neck and only have one chin on most days, and I’d prefer that characteristic in my significant other.

Men with photos taken of them while in their cars via camera phones, men standing in front of their cars, motorcycles or whatever other mechanical toys and things they hold dear to them. But of course, still not showing their faces clearly.

There were a lot of bald men on the site. Bald is very trendy these days, and I have no major hair preferences other than to avoid all mullets, hockey hair or 80’s rock star hair. That is the lion like hairstyle that is down past their shoulders or longer. Some women dig that, most do not.  Give me a bald guy any day!

Rule Number 1: never date a guy with better hair or hair care products than you. A man should not give you hair care advice, unless professionally trained to do so.