Dial-A-Vagina

As a single woman, I’ve had my experiences in the past with those Special type male friends, aka FWB.  Special is a good word for them because they are usually full of fear, wounded and confused, thus arriving at the FWB starting line-up.  These are the men that you may need from time to time (because women have needs too) that are not ready, and probably never will be ready to be your boyfriend.  Or at least never my boyfriend, nor would I want them to be. 

Luckily, I respect myself enough to no longer fall victim to these benefit packages.  I’d rather have a clear conscience and with me its all or nothing. 

So there are certain types of men that can swing this no strings deal pretty well and know what it takes to make it work for both.   

What it comes down to is this:  we still need to feel like a woman and some semblance of a lady.  Even if that means bringing over a pizza, having some drinks and hanging out for an hour before the “game” begins or coming over to help put up a new light fixture followed by a round of chasing her around the table.  And sure, some women can accept having a FWB without the chain of commitment. Those rare women are far and few between and have learned to detach their vaginas from their hearts.  But even those women, STILL need to feel desired and respected by their ‘friend on call’.  Women still want feel wooed, even if the ultimate goal is for both parties to leave with a smile on their face and to have no false pretences of a future together.

So what doesn’t work?  For most women, we don’t want to become Dial-A-Vagina.  To be pencilled in for next Friday at 10pm (in case something better comes along) and to not hear from the man for days in between.  Simply put, that makes us a hooker without the income. 

Plain and simple.  If the man is privileged enough to find a woman who is cool enough to accept a no-strings sex situation, then he should at least respect her enough to remain friendly in the time leading up.  Even if it’s just a text asking if she needs anything Friday or what does she want to drink that night.  Not to be confused with dating, it’s polite, respectful behaviour towards someone who has let you into her inner sanctum.

What else doesn’t work?    A  guy showing up at 10pm on the Friday, getting naked and then jumping up to leave moments after he’s done.  Unless a woman tells you to get up and leave now, a man should at least (out of sheer thanks!!) stick around for 30-60mins afterwards.  Chat, drink, eat, snack, laugh, cuddle, whatever.  You have achieved a level of trust with this woman and a mutual agreement, so respect it or lose it.  When a man jumps to his feet and quickly scoots out the door, women are left feeling used (we can’t help that, women are still women) and taken for granted.  Then our feelings get hurt, even if we know it’s no strings.  Feelings only come into play because we don’t like to feel used – but who does??

A man should be grateful that he’s even lucky enough to find this no-strings situation type of gal. 

If a guy only wants to be pencilled in for a time and date, without any concern for trust or health/cleanliness preferences, then he should shell out the cash and just Dial-a-Prostitute.   

I'm writing this for my female friends who keep bringing this stuff to me :)

  

Catch Them If You Can...

Sometimes in life there's the one that keeps getting away.

No matter what you do, the timing is always off. 

When you are in a relationship, he is single. When he is in love and in a relationship, you're single. There is chemistry and passion and amazing conversation, but you keep passing each other in time.  

It's like something you don't feel very often, yet you can't have it.  When you're with the person as friends, because he's not ready to date or in a relationship, it is the most comfortable and easy feeling.

You can talk about everything with ease and you canboth just be your true self.

 

It's not just about the sex either, it's about this level of kindredship and friendship. Not to say that the physical aspect isn't fantastically amazing when it has happened, but you just feel like this is the person you're most comfortable with on all levels.

Everything from your likes and dislikes, to your views on parenting, music or spicy food, it all just clicks. It's like two pieces of Lego that just snap together with ease. 

But... And there's always a but... You can't be with him.  It's like you're just sitting there waiting for him to be ready or single again so you can put on your best face, your nicest outfit, dust yourself off and stand in line hoping it's going to happen this time. 

But of course, when he  does become ready, he wants to play the role of being single.

And do what guys do best:  party with the boys, hang out with friends, go to Vegas for a wknd, sleep with random girls to boost his ego.   It eventually becomes exhausting for him.

And in that timeframe, someone most likely comes along into your life and now you're not single.   

Then when he has finally sewn all of his wild oats, become mentally ready (and lonely for a partner in life) he starts inquiring to see if you're single.  

Usually by now the tides have turned and now YOU are seeing someone, half wishing you weren't, but excited with the stomach flips and heartbeat skips of dating a new person.  

Somewhere during that time when you were single, ready and willing, and he wasn't available on some or many levels, you had actually considered waiting for him.  You weighed the options. 

But life is too short to stand in line, and you can't live waiting around just in case he chooses you.  What if you had waited and then he had met someone else instead? 

So here you are again, distracted by your someone new while he goes searching for his someone new.  And the cycle repeats itself.

When two people really are emotionally, physically and intellectually connected and hyper-compatible… Why can't they just both acknowledge it simultaneously and be together? 

Why does life's precious time have to be wasted second guessing things?  Life is too short.

We deserve happiness and to Live Laugh Learn and Love

 

Bad versus Worse

Good Dates vs Bad Dates

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted, so here goes.  I’ve been dating again since March (4 mths) and it’s been utterly mind numbing.  I’ve had both great 1st dates which end up going nowhere, and dates where it feels like you’ve been stuck with the person for hours when it’s been 15 minutes.

You can have a great first “meet” and you start to have hope.  Finally!  A seemingly nice guy.  After that, it’s a gong show.  I find either one of two things happen:  he opens his mouth and becomes a goof on date #2 OR he spends most of his time on a dating site versus getting to know you better.  Grass is always greener it seems…even when he finds a great woman, there is always someone hotter, sexier and easier out there. 

So here are a few of my experiences of the last couple months for your entertainment and laughter.  Because boy it has been quite a hilarious ride.  Here goes nothing...

Got Teef? – this guy and I texted and talked on the phone for about a week before meeting.  I asked all of the critical questions including “how are your teeth??”  His answer:  I have good teeth.  I’m missing 2 at the back, but you can’t see them.   So we agree to meet in person.  I sit down across from him and notice he doesn’t smile with his mouth open.  I start to become fixated on watching him speak and his mouth open.  My next tactic (which comes natural to me) is to make him laugh.  I’m a comedian by nature and apparently missed my calling.  He starts to laugh and he was right….he had good teeth.  The only TWO teeth he had in the front were good.  The rest of his mouth was empty. 

Chick-Hands – this guy and I spoke for a few days and really clicked.  We met at a restaurant and there was some chemistry right off the hop.  However, I  immediately noticed his hands.  He had the smallest hands on a not-so-small guy that I had ever seen.  And his nails were as long as mine.  I couldn’t stop staring at them.  Pointy long women’s style finger nails on short small man hands.  It was bizarre.  I couldn’t hold back and after an hour I asked why on earth would a guy have such long nails.  His answer:  he likes them that way.  Well, nails aren't a deal breaker so I let it slide.  The date went really well outside of that, and it lasted for 4hrs.  Yes, 4hrs!  We agreed the same night to go out again the next night.  He texted me proclaiming his definite interest, lots of complements and I reciprocated.  The next morning at 9am he sends me “good morning, running some errands J talk to you soon!”  Two hours later I received this:  I didn’t feel the butterflies, good luck in your search.  

Wheels – ok so I went outside of my comfort zone and met a guy from the States who drove a really nice car (I should’ve known better).  We spoke many times on the phone, and texted for almost 2 weeks.  I added him to Facebook and I creeped his photos.  He looked good to me.   Two hours before we met, he called me to confirm the time and place.  Right before his phone call, I received a strange FB friend request from him…but we were already friends?? Weren’t we??  So after the call, I went onto my Facebook.  POOF!  He was no longer my friend.  But we were meeting in under 2 hours, why would he UNfriend me now?  It made no sense at all.  I hadn’t even ‘liked’ anything on his page or commented.  He purposely went on and UNfriended me prior to our first meet/date.  RED FLAG #1.  And so we met…it was a gorgeous evening and we went for a long drive and for a drink.  I had asked him on our many phone talks if he was ready to be in a relationship and his answer was a solid Yes.  Sitting across from him having a beer, I asked him how long (which I had previously asked) he was single.   This is a little test I do, to see if their answers match up when they don’t have time to edit their answers hidden behind a text message.  He said his last relationship was in April for 3 months.  I did the math and said “but it’s only July 2, so when did that end???”   He said “2 weeks ago”.  I had been blindsided.  In all of the talks and texts about dating readiness and healing time lapsed, he had failed to ever mention that.  We had been talking for just under 2 weeks.  And now, I was stuck with a guy that had omitted significant details like that.  My next question which I had asked him before was “are you sure you’re ready for a long term dating thing?”  His answer was “I don’t know what I’m looking for; I guess I will know if I find it”.  We are still not Facebook friends again, but he wants to see me again.  That’s a solid no-go.

Filters – This guy lacked all the filters of what’s kosher on a 2^nd date or ANY date for that matter.  Example:  sex talk, talking about porn, asking me if I’d ever been with or dated a woman, threatening to kidnap me, jokingly trying to have me sniff a cloth in his car with chloroform on it (he was kidding, or was he?!!?), asking me if I liked backdoor and then putting me down calling me such things as a prude.  Date #1 had been excellent.  He had seemed like such a nice guy.  Truly seemed a good hearted soul, and then he removed all of his filters on date #2 leaving behind nothing but a total redneck jerk with zero class.  Who jokes in this day and age about drugging a woman and kidnapping her?  The joke that never ended the entire date long.  I finally had to say “ok enough, it’s played out and not funny anymore”  He was quite put out that I didn’t find it funny anymore.  At the end of the date after I was dropped off, he texted me to come to his house.  The entire night he was trying to get me back to his place.  I am starting to think the chloroform thing wasn't a joke.

My summary of dating in the last 4mths, one Word sums it up:  CHAOS. 

Men who aren’t ready to date one woman but think they can convince women that they are

Men who just want a FWB (friend with benefits) on their terms

Men who are too busy to commit but always seem to have time to be on a dating site

and lastly…

Men who are dealing with way too much of their own life craziness to be at the starting gates of entering into a new relationship. 

Disappointing?  Yes.  Discouraging?  Hell yes. 

Am I looking or looking too hard?  NO!  But…they all seem to find me.