So, I was at a hockey game last week and it inspired me to write again. Not quite sure what clicked but I’d long since lost my inspiration to write when I lost my job back in March of this year.
My mother became ill December of 2010 and throughout this year. Her Lupus finally reared its ugly head and has been fighting with her body. My moms poor health mixed with my job loss after 10 years caused me major weight gain from stress which was cruelly accompanied by hair loss (yes that’s been a real treat). The sum of the whole lead me to hang up my keyboard for the last 8 months.
Luckily in the midst of all of this chaos, I met a really nice man. He is not some street vendor knock off; he is genuinely good and kind. He helps me to smile and assures me that good things are coming.
When my life seemed to be in perfect order with a good career, great income and all else in place, I never seemed to meet a good man. All of them were duds pretending to be someone else and knockoffs masking who they truly were . There were like old pairs of shoes tossed away by previous owners. Shoes that the first women wore down to nothing. Other women came along, found them and polished them up and tried to wear them but they never fit right. So again, they were tossed into the 'Used' bin. And for good reasons!! Those were the toxic category of men that I was meeting when the rest of my life seemed to have all of the right boxes checked.
When my world fell apart in early 2011, I seemed to meet him almost immediately. I tell him all of the time that he met me at a personal low point. He met me when I was jobless. He met me when I haven’t weighed this much in years (I'm bursting out of my fat jeans) and I haven’t earned this low of an income in 11 years.
But that night, I saw him online and I messaged him. What the heck did I have left to lose?!?!
I hadn’t thought he would email me back because I assumed he was too hot for me. Why did I think that negatively? I guess that's when my self worth was spiralling down the royal throne.
Well, he messaged me back and I’ve been a happy camper ever since. We had our first date 6 months ago. I wish I could've at least met him when I was younger but maybe I would've despised him. Or I could've thought he was "like, a total dork". Funny thing is that we have mutual friends in our pasts. We knew some of the same people in high school. I could have met him earlier in time, but that was not fates master plan.
We each had our life lessons to learn to make us who we are now. To make us fit together like puzzle pieces.
Do I know what tomorrow holds? Not really but who does?
I know what I want out of life and I’m struggling daily to get back to where I was in my life at this time last year. But should I be? Perhaps I should be setting new future goals because my past goals were not meeting the finish line.
I feel like this is my new start. I'm working where I started my career 13 years ago. I've been set back to START but this time with a lot more wisdom, experience and education.
I believe this:
What you put out in life comes back to you.
Positive thoughts merit positive results (as difficult as it may be to hold onto the positive)
And whatever will be, will be....
But it sure is nice to finally have a best friend and a partner to enjoy the ups and downs with!!!