Monday, January 24, 2011

The Number

The Number

I recently talked with my girlfriends about our numbers. This number is the actual number of men with whom you’ve 'gone all the way' with. This number does not include all of the men you’ve made out with, fooled around with or even just kissed. If it did, I’m sure we’d all have become nuns by 25. This is a sensitive topic for pretty much any woman, but after some probing women will tend to let it slip usually after a few glasses of wine. These conversations always contain a few of these style of comments: “Oops...oh yeah, and him too, I forgot about that one!” My one friend actually had to do a tally sheet and then sent me random messages throughout the following week or so adding the forgotten men to her list.

If your number is too low when approaching your late (late) 30’s, it’s probably because you were married for quite some time or still are. If your number is too high, you’re one of two things: a 'career girl' with an hourly red light special, or you’ve been single off and on since the 80’s.
There’s a fine line between too high of a number and too low of a number. Apparently, men lie about their numbers more than women. We’ve all heard the math “when a guy tells you he’s been with 10 women, add 5 and multiply it by 2” Is this true for women as well? I think as women we tend to negotiate our numbers with ourselves a bit. We say things like “he doesn’t count because it was only 2 minutes from start to finish” or “I was too drunk to remember that so it doesn’t count”. We’ve all said those types of things in an effort to forget our regrets or those bad moments in time of which we’d rather just wipe out of our minds.

I’m quite aware of my number and I can recall all of their names (given some time and a couple of drinks). Ok, that was a joke. Yes, I know who they all were and I have only 1 regret in the list. I can rest easy in the fact that I’ve been accountable for my actions and never did anything I knew I’d regret. Except that one ridiculous time. Actually, I bumped into my one regret about 3 weeks ago at a local pub. That was a tad bit uncomfy to say the least. He was staring at me across the room and I was trying to avoid making eye contact. I subtly pointed him out to my friends who also noted his eye darts in my direction. He’s attempted another shot at the gold a few times over the last few years, but I have shot him down and foiled all of his attempts. Poor guy, in a strange way I sort of felt sorry for him.  The fact is that it was clumsy, bad and awkward but for some reason his memory of the evening varies greatly from mine.

I don’t go backwards. I keep my head up and focus on the end result while moving forward.
I will say though, that when you leave the single digits and move into the double digit numbers, you definitely start to ponder your past, present and your future. Some girls move into the double digits when they are still way too young to even know what life’s about. That is just a sad fact.
I was not one of those girls. I respected myself enough because I have a wonderful mother who was open & approachable about these things.  I also had amazing friends in highschool (yes, Charlene you kept me safe many times over!) and they would always tell me to wait until I was in love.
And a sidenote to all of my friends from back then, I did wait until I was in love. Another thing I do not regret.

So now here I am at 38 years old, and my closest friends are also single women. Some have been married, some have not; some have children, some do not. It doesn’t matter much really; we are all in the same situation and we are together. No matter how many men we’ve slept with, no matter how many men we’ve dated, we are all looking for the same thing. We are all looking to find someone to share with, laugh with, party with, cuddle with and all of the other amazing and fun things that go along with a close friendship and partnership in life. Friendship is the key that opens many doors. 
Live long and prosper !

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