Monday, January 21, 2013

Back by Popular Demand...

Long ago, in a land far away…men actually wanted to date women.

Back by popular demand, here is my Blog in living colour and a brief history of the last 2yrs of my life.

I was in a relationship for 17mths, he moved in, he moved out a few months later. He tried to win me back for 5 months, it didn’t happen.  I won’t go into the ugly details but it was all his choice due to his past deep scars and emotional wounds that I could not fix.  So once again, I find myself single and dating.  And I have to ask this question:  WTF has happened to men in the last 2 years??!!

Perhaps it’s my new age decade change to 40 that has turned men into presumptuous persons (for lack of a kind word) who actually have the nerve to ask me to take THEM for dinner.  Do they see my age on the dating site and think that I would be honoured to have them accompany me so that I look cool with them? 
And it’s not just the younger men pulling this new scam.  I’ve had a few men ages 29-42 ask me to take them out.  My reply is simply this “I do not pay men to keep me company”.  Of course they then flip that around and say that men do it all the time so it’s the woman’s turn and other excuses like women’s lib.  At this age, I am pretty much not settling for anything.  I’d rather become a cat lady than to have to bribe a man to be in my presence.  I would rather date for the next 20 yrs and enjoy dating on my terms, than have to be desperate enough to need to buy men gifts and dinners in exchange for their brief momentary attention.  That’s just not who I am.

Another aspect of how dating has changed in the last 2 years is that men no longer want to do any leg work.  There is no dating involved anymore, no wooing, no offers of meeting for lunch dates or a drink after work.  I have had offers of things like “come over and we can order a pizza and you can give me a massage”.  Ok so they want me to get in my car, drive to their place while they just sit there waiting for their “Woman of the Day” to arrive on their doorsteps as conveniently as their Men’s Health magazine? 
The answer is YES.   

Men do not want to put in the time to date anymore.  They want instant gratification with ZERO work involved.  I am not a call girl but that’s pretty much what they want…a girl on call on their terms and on their schedules.  They are not even willing to take a woman out anymore for a cheap dinner somewhere or a movie.  What the heck has happened to these men??  Is it because the internet and texting has become so instantaneous and easy that they expect women to be that easy too?  

Now don’t get me wrong, I have met a handful of men that have paid for my drink and/or a dinner and I give those men a big High 5 on that.  Thank you to them for keeping the dream alive!  But it’s becoming less and less of a thing for men to cough up $5 for a drink, never mind actually spending gas money to meet a woman somewhere or to take off their PJ pants and leave their fortress of solitude.

Lastly, I have also been the one to initiate first date meetings with a few men.  Sounds like it would be flattering for a woman to be assertive and confident enough to ask a guy out doesn’t it?  Well, on more than several occasions…I’ve been cancelled on, forgotten or just plain stood up.  Various excuses used, various reasons from:  they got called into work or they forgot their cell phones at work/in the car/in their other jeans, their dog peed on their phone and it was drying on the clothes line.  I am confident enough and respect myself enough to use the motto: Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  A woman likes to feel wanted, pursued and sought after, especially when she’s a good catch.  I have no addictions, no emotional baggage, I have a good career which I’m working very hard on advancing in and I’m a kind and amazing girlfriend when I’m within that role.  

I am flirty, fun and a fabulous and when I’m interested in a man, I show it.  But I will not let myself be used as an escort service, a delivery service, a cash cow or a masseuse nor will I drive around all corners of the earth desperate for the company of a man.  Because if I have to do that, he’s not worth it.
So, we shall see what the dating realm holds for me in this new year of possibilities.  I do know this though, with or without a man, the futures so bright… I gotta wear shades. 
Over... but not out!

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