Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Bad versus Worse

Good Dates vs Bad Dates

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted, so here goes.  I’ve been dating again since March (4 mths) and it’s been utterly mind numbing.  I’ve had both great 1st dates which end up going nowhere, and dates where it feels like you’ve been stuck with the person for hours when it’s been 15 minutes.

You can have a great first “meet” and you start to have hope.  Finally!  A seemingly nice guy.  After that, it’s a gong show.  I find either one of two things happen:  he opens his mouth and becomes a goof on date #2 OR he spends most of his time on a dating site versus getting to know you better.  Grass is always greener it seems…even when he finds a great woman, there is always someone hotter, sexier and easier out there. 

So here are a few of my experiences of the last couple months for your entertainment and laughter.  Because boy it has been quite a hilarious ride.  Here goes nothing...

Got Teef? – this guy and I texted and talked on the phone for about a week before meeting.  I asked all of the critical questions including “how are your teeth??”  His answer:  I have good teeth.  I’m missing 2 at the back, but you can’t see them.   So we agree to meet in person.  I sit down across from him and notice he doesn’t smile with his mouth open.  I start to become fixated on watching him speak and his mouth open.  My next tactic (which comes natural to me) is to make him laugh.  I’m a comedian by nature and apparently missed my calling.  He starts to laugh and he was right….he had good teeth.  The only TWO teeth he had in the front were good.  The rest of his mouth was empty. 

Chick-Hands – this guy and I spoke for a few days and really clicked.  We met at a restaurant and there was some chemistry right off the hop.  However, I  immediately noticed his hands.  He had the smallest hands on a not-so-small guy that I had ever seen.  And his nails were as long as mine.  I couldn’t stop staring at them.  Pointy long women’s style finger nails on short small man hands.  It was bizarre.  I couldn’t hold back and after an hour I asked why on earth would a guy have such long nails.  His answer:  he likes them that way.  Well, nails aren't a deal breaker so I let it slide.  The date went really well outside of that, and it lasted for 4hrs.  Yes, 4hrs!  We agreed the same night to go out again the next night.  He texted me proclaiming his definite interest, lots of complements and I reciprocated.  The next morning at 9am he sends me “good morning, running some errands J talk to you soon!”  Two hours later I received this:  I didn’t feel the butterflies, good luck in your search.  

Wheels – ok so I went outside of my comfort zone and met a guy from the States who drove a really nice car (I should’ve known better).  We spoke many times on the phone, and texted for almost 2 weeks.  I added him to Facebook and I creeped his photos.  He looked good to me.   Two hours before we met, he called me to confirm the time and place.  Right before his phone call, I received a strange FB friend request from him…but we were already friends?? Weren’t we??  So after the call, I went onto my Facebook.  POOF!  He was no longer my friend.  But we were meeting in under 2 hours, why would he UNfriend me now?  It made no sense at all.  I hadn’t even ‘liked’ anything on his page or commented.  He purposely went on and UNfriended me prior to our first meet/date.  RED FLAG #1.  And so we met…it was a gorgeous evening and we went for a long drive and for a drink.  I had asked him on our many phone talks if he was ready to be in a relationship and his answer was a solid Yes.  Sitting across from him having a beer, I asked him how long (which I had previously asked) he was single.   This is a little test I do, to see if their answers match up when they don’t have time to edit their answers hidden behind a text message.  He said his last relationship was in April for 3 months.  I did the math and said “but it’s only July 2, so when did that end???”   He said “2 weeks ago”.  I had been blindsided.  In all of the talks and texts about dating readiness and healing time lapsed, he had failed to ever mention that.  We had been talking for just under 2 weeks.  And now, I was stuck with a guy that had omitted significant details like that.  My next question which I had asked him before was “are you sure you’re ready for a long term dating thing?”  His answer was “I don’t know what I’m looking for; I guess I will know if I find it”.  We are still not Facebook friends again, but he wants to see me again.  That’s a solid no-go.

Filters – This guy lacked all the filters of what’s kosher on a 2nd date or ANY date for that matter.  Example:  sex talk, talking about porn, asking me if I’d ever been with or dated a woman, threatening to kidnap me, jokingly trying to have me sniff a cloth in his car with chloroform on it (he was kidding, or was he?!!?), asking me if I liked backdoor and then putting me down calling me such things as a prude.  Date #1 had been excellent.  He had seemed like such a nice guy.  Truly seemed a good hearted soul, and then he removed all of his filters on date #2 leaving behind nothing but a total redneck jerk with zero class.  Who jokes in this day and age about drugging a woman and kidnapping her?  The joke that never ended the entire date long.  I finally had to say “ok enough, it’s played out and not funny anymore”  He was quite put out that I didn’t find it funny anymore.  At the end of the date after I was dropped off, he texted me to come to his house.  The entire night he was trying to get me back to his place.  I am starting to think the chloroform thing wasn't a joke.

My summary of dating in the last 4mths, one Word sums it up:  CHAOS. 
Men who aren’t ready to date one woman but think they can convince women that they are
Men who just want a FWB (friend with benefits) on their terms
Men who are too busy to commit but always seem to have time to be on a dating site
and lastly…
Men who are dealing with way too much of their own life craziness to be at the starting gates of entering into a new relationship. 
Disappointing?  Yes.  Discouraging?  Hell yes. 
Am I looking or looking too hard?  NO!  But…they all seem to find me. 

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