As a single woman, I’ve had my experiences in the past with those Special type male friends, aka FWB. Special is a good word for them because they are usually full of fear, wounded and confused, thus arriving at the FWB starting line-up. These are the men that you may need from time to time (because women have needs too) that are not ready, and probably never will be ready to be your boyfriend. Or at least never my boyfriend, nor would I want them to be.
Luckily, I respect myself enough to no longer fall victim to these benefit packages. I’d rather have a clear conscience and with me its all or nothing.
So there are certain types of men that can swing this no strings deal pretty well and know what it takes to make it work for both.
What it comes down to is this: we still need to feel like a woman and some semblance of a lady. Even if that means bringing over a pizza, having some drinks and hanging out for an hour before the “game” begins or coming over to help put up a new light fixture followed by a round of chasing her around the table. And sure, some women can accept having a FWB without the chain of commitment. Those rare women are far and few between and have learned to detach their vaginas from their hearts. But even those women, STILL need to feel desired and respected by their ‘friend on call’. Women still want feel wooed, even if the ultimate goal is for both parties to leave with a smile on their face and to have no false pretences of a future together.
So what doesn’t work? For most women, we don’t want to become Dial-A-Vagina. To be pencilled in for next Friday at 10pm (in case something better comes along) and to not hear from the man for days in between. Simply put, that makes us a hooker without the income.
Plain and simple. If the man is privileged enough to find a woman who is cool enough to accept a no-strings sex situation, then he should at least respect her enough to remain friendly in the time leading up. Even if it’s just a text asking if she needs anything Friday or what does she want to drink that night. Not to be confused with dating, it’s polite, respectful behaviour towards someone who has let you into her inner sanctum.
What else doesn’t work? A guy showing up at 10pm on the Friday, getting naked and then jumping up to leave moments after he’s done. Unless a woman tells you to get up and leave now, a man should at least (out of sheer thanks!!) stick around for 30-60mins afterwards. Chat, drink, eat, snack, laugh, cuddle, whatever. You have achieved a level of trust with this woman and a mutual agreement, so respect it or lose it. When a man jumps to his feet and quickly scoots out the door, women are left feeling used (we can’t help that, women are still women) and taken for granted. Then our feelings get hurt, even if we know it’s no strings. Feelings only come into play because we don’t like to feel used – but who does??
A man should be grateful that he’s even lucky enough to find this no-strings situation type of gal.
If a guy only wants to be pencilled in for a time and date, without any concern for trust or health/cleanliness preferences, then he should shell out the cash and just Dial-a-Prostitute.
I'm writing this for my female friends who keep bringing this stuff to me :)