Thursday, December 22, 2016

To be Picky, Or not to be Picky...That is the Question

In 2011, I began my journey with this blog as the start to a short novel that I decided to write.  I had several single friends who told me to post what I was writing because they loved reading my dating adventures on paper.  
Little did I realize when I started this journey, that as of January 1, 2017 I would be still be single at the age of 44.  Single and happy.

Now one would think that 44 would be a very easy age to find a single, happy, quality male partner in life.  That is completely a myth.  The single men in my dating age range (39-50), are simply non date-able.  They have abandoned dead lengthy toxic marriages, ended long term relationships (post bad marriages) and are damaged, broken, selfish and financially and emotionally insecure.    In a nutshell, 95% of them are a big fat mess of court dates, ex wives, ex girlfriends, child support, spousal payments and drama.  
They want to play, not to be in a true relationship.

If these men are fortunate enough to have been able to come out on top and have a sustainable life, a happy career, a place of their own and still somewhat financially secure, they do NOT want to share again.  They’ve become scared, selfish, self focused and closed, fearing losing everything again if they open up to a woman emotionally or financially.   
But they sure have no problem expecting a woman to open her legs up for them on a 1st meeting.  They've somehow grown a huge sense of entitlement along with their beer bellies and bad habits.

Now, I have met a couple of nice men this year (literally two), but they still do have their own walls up, major baggage and a lot of fear of jumping into anything long term feet first.

Yes, "there are still some great guys out there" – so I keep hearing.  I’m not being negative, but if I hear that line one more time from either side male or female, they are going to get a very colourful verbal reality check from me.  

The men who say there are still great men out there are trying to sell themselves.
These men are usually living with their moms, have 3 kids 50% of the time and working shift work or 2 jobs and barely scraping by.  Their lives are busy and full of kids, dogs, 1-3 jobs, and everything else.

The women who say there are still great men out there, are married to those men and they are NOT out there. 

Yes, there are some great single men and great single women out there, but they’re all under 35.  
Personally, I cannot date a man under 39.  They have no understanding of when I talk about my generational pop culture references and they look at me like I have 6 eyes when I say something about a VCR or my first car, a 1984 Dodge Aries.  They just cannot grasp anything pre-smartphones or laptops.  
If I randomly shout out Super Nintendo, they say "Huh??"
Sometimes I will just say random things and watch them look completely confused:
Typewriter!  Beta VCR!  Commodore 64!  Cursive handwriting!!
Also, most of the younger men have never had children and want some of their own, or have very young children.  
I have to be selfish on that front, because I do not want to be a stepmother of a 10-year-old when I turn 54.  And I will not have anymore children in my mid 40’s; the baby factory is closed.  My daughter is 12 and I'm quite enjoying her level of independence.

I own my own home, have a child that I adore and a great career that I love.  I expect my potential life partner to be in a similar situation.  Gone are the days of drama, exes, multi-dating, juggling court dates, and diapers.  

I simply want peace, love, quiet, happiness, laughter and a true life partner. 
I want someone to put the kettle on for me, not because I asked, but because he knows me that well and he doesn’t have to ask.  It seems so simple to ask for, and yet here I am without that aspect of my life box check marked.

To leave things on a postive note, the biggest changes since my last posts are the changes in me.  I am happy being me.  Life is too short and I value everything I have, I value my family, I value best friend (yes, Tanya that is you) I am happy being alone with my daughter at the end of the day. 
I am happy in my life, my home and in my career.  
I'm a great person, smart, funny, intuitive, affectionate, loyal and kind and I will not settle for being taken for granted.

So if my "He” exists, he must figure out how to find me, and only if he’s meant to find me.

If that’s me being picky, then so be it.  I’m open and hopeful that some day I will find real, true, unselfish love.   
I shall never again settle for taking second place to a man's life and priorities, or being outranked by his needs, his dog, his beer or his career.


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