Am I A Picky Dater?
I was recently out with a friend and they told me that I am picky. I’ve never really thought of myself as being picky. I have standards and goals for myself in life, and I also have my deal breakers. I expect to date someone and eventually be with someone who shares some common goals with me. Thus far in my life, I’ve struggled financially as far back as I can remember (before marriage with student loans, during marriage and after marriage).
One of my goals is to be with someone whose combined income with mine can allow us some room to play in the latter half of our lives. Is that being picky?
I’ve worked very hard to hold onto my house, my world and not have to live in an apartment on the wrong side of the tracks. I’ve managed to pay my bills, keep things up to date and I can still have a few extras on the side like a trip to Cuba once a year for my birthday. Sure, I’d love to travel to different places, but Cuba is what I can afford on one income as a single mom. Next year may pose some other financial problems for me but that’s a whole other story. Such is life.
I guess that I’m looking to eventually be with a partner in life who has at least achieved what I’ve achieved so far, or greater than. Someone that will help me to make my dreams and my goals a reality. I don’t think that’s so much to ask at my age. I will be 40 in 2 yrs and 3 ½ months. Wow, that’s an eye opener. I remember my Mom turning 40. Time rolls on...
So, as far as being picky about the physical aspect. Yes, I can see that I have certain criteria that I tend to be picky about. The top 3 things for me are teeth, noses and height.
A man has to have decent teeth or I’m out. Oral and dental care is very important to me.
A larger sized nose with crooks and hooks and twists, I cannot do either. I’ve dated 2 men in my life with very large noses and it will not happen again. To feel that 'thing' swiping across my face or poking me in the cheek repulses me.
I can't help that, and a note to all the men with very large noses....it's not an indication of anything below your waistline so please stop making that reference of comparison to your disco stick. I've done the research amongst my girlfriends and the consensus rules that it does not co-relate.
And the height thing is simply because I’m 5’9 and don’t want to bend down to kiss anyone.
Recently, I had a lunch date with a man who was bald ( I love bald men! ). When we met, he was dressed very trendy. The bald man had just scored one point for having great taste. He was 6’2 which scored him an extra 2 points. Great eyes and teeth! Yes, 2 more points!
And then the subtraction math began. He smelled like those houses that you go into that always smell like stale food. It wasn’t a dirty smell, just a smell like you had your laundry in the kitchen while you were cooking a meal with green curry and chicken. Stale. Minus 1.
And then he kept grabbing my arm and touching me while he was talking. When I don’t know someone and they start pawing at me, I’m not impressed. A gentle nudge or small gesture is fine, but to be stroking my forearm while conversing on a first date was making me very uncomfortable. Minus 2.
And I could not stop staring at his head. It was asymmetrical, pointy and higher on the right then on the left. I kept visualizing The Conehead Family from Saturday Night Live.
Then he began telling me about when he dates someone, he has to see them daily or at least every 2 days. Most people don’t get into that conversation until after a few dates. Actually, when things just feel right, you don’t even need to discuss the schedule of dates and dating. It just flow naturally because you are both on the same page.
Ok, at this point I noted my body language as being closed and leaning away from him. I was definitely done with the math, in the negatives and it was only 25 minutes into the date.
To keep it simple - we ate, he talked, I chewed, he talked, I drank my water, he talked, I leaned as far away as I could, and he crossed his legs on the bar stool??? What man crosses his legs on a bar stool? And then we left.
He asked me out on a 2nd date 40 minutes into this date and I just nodded and smiled…while eating my chicken salad wrap. That was not a yes; it was the avoidance of an answer. I haven’t talked to him since, but yes I have heard from him. I shall swerve and avoid this one.
So my friends, if that’s called being picky, then so be it.
Laura the Picky Chicky